HUH??

I'm having a really bad week or so! I found out that a DEAR friend of mine was accused of something that I'm 100% sure isn't true. He's confused and needs a friend. He's in San Diego and I just left there. It's horrible. I wish I could see him and find out what happened but I can't. Russ doesn't understand why I'm so hurt by it. Granted I haven't seen him in years we've know each other since 5th grade. He's one of the only friends that I have kept in all my youth with all the moving a stuff.

On top of that we went to visit my mom's family in OK and he complained the entire time we were there. I'm tired of the negative attitude but there's nothing I can do about it; is there? I pray a lot about what's going on in my life. Here in NM is healthier for me. Russ is great when we're home and having fun with our friends but if we're with my family all he does is complain.

If that isn't enough... I've ruined my daughter's life and she won't speak to me. At first it was just Russ and now I guess I've been added to the mix. It hurts a lot but I've been told that I should just let it go and wait for her to come around. I've given her space and don't call her or text her. The thing that pisses me off the most is that Russ sent her a little gift to tell her he was proud of her and she wrote me a nasty text about leaving her alone and how we've both hurt her seriously and that she doesn't want to fix our relationship. I don't even know what I did wrong.

Please pray for me. In the grand scheme of things life is better out here. The problem is it's worse too.

God Bless

My life the last two weeks....Sad and Very tiring

It all started on March 4th.I'm having a nice quietday off. The phone rings...It's the hubby....our friend Cyndy is in trouble go to the dr.s office and sit with her. I did this with no questions because she's my friend and she needs me.  We get all the labs and MRIs and ultrsounds done. ok done for the day...Wait she needs to be driven home. Drive her home Hubby picks me up on the bike.

Wednesday next appointment. Ok I'm there for her because she's scared. Cirrosis of the Liver is her diagnosis. Ok one day at a time from here. het some labs done and wait.

Thursday........Russ calls......Meet Friend at DR office ASAP. Renial failure get her to hospital ASAP. Ok I take her to the Hodspital she gets admitted. She's scared.Stay there all day with her get home to my family at 9pm. pass out immediately.

Friday....She calls me crying because they have to do something to her. I get there to find that they will be draining the fluid that is collecting between her organs because the liver can't handle it. I sat with her through most of the procedure but had to take Darrel to dr so had to leave. Dropped him off went back to Hospital. She's weaker today. Het her set and ready for bed at 9pm then go home.

Saturday...spent the day at the hospital nothing surprising. She's on morphine so she's sleepting alot. I'm reading my book just being there for her. Every night the samething. Get her ready for bed. Get her the Morphine wait a hour then go home to my family.

She has a few family members so up but they just yell at her and tell her it's all her fault. yeah for the most part it is but WTF. We're here to support her right? I guess I'm the only one that understands that. They are doom and gloom while I try to portray hope and faith.

Sunday...Took the moringing off to go to church. felt good. Went to hospital afterwards and was totally discuraged by there horrible poeple. Only one of them is being positive.

Monday work till 5 visit at lunch come back at 5:30 been the only stable person there with her. wait around the hospital door while listening to her husband and aunt tell her that she' just gonna end up here again in a week. Telling her that she's never gonna get better. Pisses me off. I kick them out.

Tuesday....Colonoscopy and endoscopy.....Husband doesn't even show up. grrrrrrrr I just barely made it in time. Sisten in law there. she's cool she tells me the stories that I need to know that He is also a drinker. We talk to him about not drinking HE SAYS she won't stop so why should I. I cried.

Wednesday.....I'm the only one that is at the hospital most of the night. I've scared them all off. Get her meds get her ready for bed. 9pm go home.

Thursday.....another perisethesis....Her hubby is there for this one but he waits in the hall. I watched the entire percedure. the radiologist even explained what he saw and why he put the drain where it goes. it was really neat. go back to the room have a woman start yelling at me because I'm keeping her away from friends and family. My friend asked me to handle all the phone inquires so that's what I did. Nurses kicked out everyone but me. I got her ready for bed and got her her meds. waited till she was sleeping good and then went home to family 9:30pm

This happens about the same for another week. I'm so tired. but she needed me and I was there because I love her as the bible says we should love one andother.

In the end Her husband didn't even bother to picker her up. We got to her house and he's sitting in the living room with his buddy drinking..........I was livid but it's not my life .


I sat in my livingroom and cried for hours because I know I have a husband who loves and worships me.


Please pray for Cyndy Miller. One more drink and she's dead. She believes in God and knows that she's sick. The reason that she drinks mostly is to get away from a VERBALLY ABUSIVE MARRIAGE.


I feel a weight lifted from my shoulders but a guilt tieing up my guts because I should have just brought her home with me where she would be safe and could be supported.

Thank you for listening to my rant and by no means is this a brag on my part. I simply helped a friend that I love deeply like the lord would want me too. I'm gonna go to bed now. I finally have a day tomorrow forjust me!  Love You All and God Bless

Star Trek Tweeps Meetup

I had so much fun with my twitter/star trek friends on Saturday. Sometimes I wish that there was a convention every weekend. I don't get away from my family much and I cherish them but I need my space. The problem that I have is when I'm in a large group of people I seem to melt into the background. I've always been this way but I'm working on it.

So we went to Riverside to see the Star Trek Exibit. It was small and nothing like I expected it to be but I really enjoyed it. I love to read the scientific reason why such things as the "Transporter" can't be really done. I read every printed word in the place. It was great but wouldn't have been half as great without my friends. I got an idea for my costume for the Vegas con, if I can afford to go.

Then when that was done I got to sit down to lunch with two people that I didn't really know but I do now that was nice. The best part about lunch was getting to share it with Kurt. He's such a sweet and caring man. I really enjoy his company and not just because he bought my lunch. I met Kurt at another convention he was our escort. He went everywhere with Melissa, Christine and I. It was great. I'm glad that I went and got to meet Kurt and Ernie too. (hahaha Burt & Ernie joke there)

Anyways I just wish that I could come out of my shell more without having to add alchohol. It just takes me a while to get comfortable in large groups. Oh well something to work on for next time.

Depressed

Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad to be home but I'm feeling depressed and something I'm not sure what it is. I feel like I'm alone in the world and no one is there for me. I know it's not true but it feels that way right now. I know it's probably because of all the stress with my son and money. I'm upset because my son's Christmas present won't be here on time. My daughter bought what I was gonna give her so I'm just gonna pay her for it and well it just seems crappy. So much has happened in such a short amount of time and it all seems to be hitting me now. I'm tired of everything going to shit...literally on some levels.

It was great tho, I took Darrel to band practice today and the whole band screamed his name and clapped and went crazy. If he hadn't come home by Sunday the whole band was gonna come to the hospital to see him. they have a competition tomorrow and Russ is taking him to that so that I can go to a baby shower for an 18 year old. sigh.

I'm gonna go eat something now.

What's Wrong With Me???

Ok so honestly what the heck is wrong with me? I'm gonna have to go to the Dr and ask a bunch of questions. Had a great day Saturday. Spent quality time with the hubby. Got some fresh air, was surrounded by friends that I haven't seen in a while. Got home things were normal. Then out of no where I start crying like a little baby.

Sunday went to church was good sermon. got home napped woke up watched TV with hubby and son. haveing a good day. everyone went to be and here I sat crying like a baby sure that no one loved me and I wouldn't be missed if I just fell off the face of the earth.

Woke up went to ear appointment, I need hearing aides...surprise...not. Get to work things start out very well then...total confusion takes over and I get so frustrated that I want to cry only to end up going to the gym and tearing up the place because I'm totally pissed off. Now here I sit totally confused as to why any of this happened in the first place.

God help me I have no idea. Hubby says moodswings, mom says may menopause, happens early in our family. I say its the medications and maybe I should just quit them all and see what happens but not before asking my Dr. Sigh any thought Starfleetmom??

What do you mean she's bringing her boyfriend home while your not here,

That was the latest fight at my house. He can't just expect the new boyfriend to go stay just anywhere.They need to stay at home. The Ailien says what should I do. I say you should be the great host to the new boyfriend take them to dinner or something. I know be the loving father not the jackass we all know you can be. Remember I Love you and act as if I was here Helping you. sigh anyway glad I'm not gonna be here.

Opps.....Damn confusion

So I totally got confused on the due dates of my homework. Luckily the teacher is really cool and he gave me an extension. Now that means I have to get two assignments done before my trip to TrekExpo. Oh well I'll get them done. I also have to get a vest made and pack and make sure I have the right communicator to go with my Trek uniform. sigh.

I'm finally getting used to my medication and have realized that if I eat a small snack when I'm feeling funny then it goes away and I'm fine. I'm glad that the side effects are lessening. I was really getting tired of it. sigh

Have a great night ya'll